The Most Secret Desire of Jesus

It was too private to let anyone else know. His reputation would be completely shattered. His disciples would surely be confused and scattered. It would endanger his entire mission.

Throughout his entire life, this secret desire remained within him. It haunted him to no end. During those times when he spent entire nights in prayer alone with his Father, I am sure this desire came up as a topic of discussion. Probably a good part of the night was spent struggling over this one desire.

Then finally, several hours before his crucifixion, he went with his disciples to the garden of Gethsemane. He poured out his heart to his Father. When his heart became heavy, he took Peter, James, and John and went further away to pray. But as the evening progressed, he could stand the pain no longer. He had to open up the pain of his desire to his Father. So, he went further away from even these three to pray.

He cried out in agony…maybe not because of the torture that he was about to endure. The real agony was regarding this secret desire; the desire to disobey his Father. Doing anything against the Father’s will was completely out of the question. He knew that. He was fine with that. But still, deep within him, this desire remained.

But he never gave in to that desire. He held on and submitted himself to the will of the Father. That was his advantage above everything else. Although he could never share this with even his closest disciples, he felt free to share it with his Father.

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5 thoughts on “The Most Secret Desire of Jesus

  1. Alexi, I’ve read the Bible devotionally almost my whole life. Even now, I especially enjoy when I hear a fresh perspective on a familiar passage. I’ve never quite thought of Jesus struggling in this way to disobey his beloved Father. Hebrews 5:7-8 casts some light on this matter, I think. I puzzled for some time over why Jesus needed to learn obedience. He always ‘obeyed’. But is it obedience when you delight to do what you are being asked to do? His trust in his Father was deep and implicit. But flesh, when faced with horrific suffering, is bound to flinch and draw back. And at the point that the impending suffering was imminent, Jesus’ flesh, his natural human desires, would war most vigorously with what the Father was asking of him. And probably, it was on this anguished night that Jesus learned to ‘obey’, to do what love and delight could not quite bring him to. But perhaps it’s speculation to think that Jesus had a prevailing hidden desire to disobey his Father. My thoughts, anyways.

    1. Thanks or the thoughtful response. I’ve also wondered about that verse in Hebrews 5. And I think that speculation you mentioned regarding the hidden desire is an important question. The issue is, did that desire come up when he was nearing the torture he was about to face? Or, since he knew about the impending sufferings for a long time, that desire (or internal struggle) could have been with him throughout his life. Of course, this may be an argument from silence.

  2. For some, this argument puts Jesus in a vulnerable position, extending or exposing his human nature. They might see this as a threat to the person-hood of Jesus.

    But for me, mentioning the vulnerability of Jesus gives me hope. Sitting at the right hand of the father, as he intercedes for me, he understands ALL my struggles.

  3. He was tempted like us in all ways. I guess this includes the temptation to disobey God. Temptations definitely appeal to man – including Jesus. Otherwise, He will not be able to sympathise with us. He would certainly have struggled with them – but He overcame!!

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