Emotions and the tongue

Both are directly connected. Well, for many people. Others just keep their words to themselves.

So when you hear an emotionally charged person speak, listen and filter their words carefully. Some statements are just part of the “steam” and need to be released. Don’t give much weight to those.

When the steam is completely released, then words of value will flow. Learn the art of watching the steam. Then you’ll be able to identify words of importance.

The emotions and the tongue are connected for most people. Listen carefully and know what to value.

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Fear, power, control, anger, and retaliation in relationships

Fear will stifle and control the “atmosphere” of the relationship. Fear of losing the relationship or at least there might be a fear that one will lose favor, or that the peace might me disturbed. (Tweet this)

The attempt to gain power and control may come from fear. If fear does not have the upper hand, then the relationship can go on with mutual love and respect. Then there would be no issue of control. (Tweet this)

Anger results from frustration over unfulfilled expectations. Unresolved issues from the past may also be a key factor in producing anger. Learn to forgive, release and lower expectations. Anger as an emotion may not be wrong, but the expression needs to be healthy.

Retaliation is childish. No need of this in a mature relationship. Forgive. Release. Accept. That is the best way. Maybe, that’s the only sensible way.

Jesus is our best example. Although we falter in our relationship with him, he continues to love us. He gave up his life as a result of that love. He asks us to do the same for others.

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Relationships and soul ties

  • God created us as relational beings and intended for us to relate to each other (Gen. 2:18). When we have godly relationships, we are blessed by the flow of Holy Spirit (Ps. 133).
  • The bond made up of our earthly relationship together with its spiritual bonding is called a soul-tie (1 Sam. 18:1).

Examples of godly soul-ties through which Holy Spirit can flow blessing

  • Loving parent and child (Ruth 1:14).
  • Cherishing husband and respectful wife (Eph. 5:22-33).
  • Brother and sister loving each other (Phil. 2:1-4).
  • Relationships that are ungodly can create a bond in the spiritual realm which could act as a demonic tube. Evil spirits can flow through this tube to create bondage (Eph. 2:2-3)

Examples of ungodly soul-ties

  • With parents/authority figures who have manipulated and controlled us (Gen. 27:8).
  • Between sexual partners outside God’s order for marriage (1 Cor. 6:15-16).
  • With those who have abused us physically, mentally or sexually (Gen. 34:2-3).
  • With those with whom there is an element of fear in the relationship.
  • Breaking the soul-tie in the name of Jesus is an essential part of Inner healing and Deliverance ministry.

This post is a part of a series of posts regarding Inner Healing. Click here to access the Introduction to Inner Healing and the entire list of topics in the Inner Healing series. 

Unbury the offense and unleash yourself

It stays buried. Hidden from you. You may not know it’s there. But it’s got you on a leash and leads you according to its wishes. You wonder why you responded as you did. It baffles you how you feel that anger swell up within you.

Offences are like parasites. But worse. They survive not only on your body but on your emotions as well. First they take over your emotions and lead you where it wants you to go.

All during that time it continues its work on your body. It often begins with the weakest link. You treat the symptoms not knowing the actual roots. Some go on living their entire lives not knowing what’s truly happening to them.

Unbury those offences within you and begin dealing with them. Your offenders have gone on with their lives but you’re still stuck. But you can be free. Totally free. But some of the physical effects may remain with you. So the earlier you get rid of the offences, the better it is.

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What about those irritating people in your life? 

We all have such people in our lives. They demand more from the relationship than they ever return. Their contribution seems to be almost nothing compared to what they expect from you. These people may be irritating and obnoxious. We often wish we could run away from such people. But God has placed them there in our lives for a special purpose.

These people act the way they do because of their brokenness. There are various issues within them that have never been addressed. For many who are believers, the Holy Spirit is working on them, but the work is gradual. For some, that work is a lifelong process.

Recently I read the words Jesus spoke to his disciples just before miraculously feeding more than 5,000 people: “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” (Matthew 14:16) With so many people to feed, the need was more than they could handle. They wanted to send the people away. Although that situation was regarding food, the concept is valid for people with any need.

Our natural reaction would be to stay away from such people, or “send them away.”  But as Kingdom people, we are to care for others and respond to their true need. First, we are to care for the community of faith, then others around us who are needy.

Of course, when people have needs that are beyond our capabilities and need professional help, it is good to refer them to others who are more qualified to help. But most of the time, a word of encouragement, prayer, and your gentle voice is crucial for their healing.

But these needy people will often seem like a bother to us, and we may respond as the disciples did. We get tired of their neediness. We may begin to see them as parasites, always taking but never giving.

Relationships with such people definitely seem like a one-way street when they are always on the receiving end and you are on the giving end. These are the type of relationships that we want to pull away from.

At this point Jesus says to us “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.”  At another time Jesus said “Truly I say to you, as you did to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:40)

What an opportunity to serve our Master as we serve the needy around us.

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Alexi George is a pastor, teacher, and writer. He is devoted to helping people live their potential.

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Fearless Relationships

When fear rules, our relationships will certainly fall apart. Is it possible to have fearless relationships?

Possibly the greatest fear in relationships is the fear of rejection. We wonder if our actions will cause others to reject us and walk away. We value the relationship but fear rejection and possibly the loss of that relationship.

Along with the fear of rejection comes the fear of retaliation, reproof, rebuke, or other fears. All of these have a negative impact on our relationships. But the Bible says “…perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4:18).

While Peter instructed his readers about relationships, he used Abraham and Sarah as examples. In the context of that discussion he said “do not fear anything that is frightening” (1 Peter 3:6).

Yes there are many fears that can get in between our relationships. But we need not fear the fearful things in our relationships.

Begin to identify each of the fears you face as you relate to people. Is it the fear of rejection, retaliation, reproof, rebuke, or another fear that you are dealing with? Recognize it for what it is – maybe not the reality, just a fear. Identify what type of fear it is, and face it.

Say to yourself: “No, I will not fear rejection.” Add other fears to this statement as it applies to you. In prayer, give that fear to God and ask him for his strength to face all you need to face. This will start you on a journey toward freedom from fear in your relationships. Then, “do not fear anything that is frightening” (1 Peter 3:6).

Yes, it’s possible: Fearless Relationships.

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Alexi George is a pastor, teacher, and writer. He is devoted to helping people live their potential.

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Speak No Evil and Be Kind

What about those people who are clearly evil doers? Some are regularly involved in activities that are divisive and dangerous, but continue in public like a nice, wonderful person.


Some of the instructions in the Bible are quite difficult to understand, and even more difficult to follow. Paul instructs Timothy to teach people “to speak evil of no one” (Titus 3:2 ESV).

How should we understand this instruction? Does it suggest that we are to remain silent about all the evil that goes on around us? Surely someone needs to point out the things that need to change. But we can avoid direct personal attacks. Even if they are wrong, we can take a different approach.

Those who do wrong, those who do evil, clearly know that they are doing wrong. When we tell them, we are only informing them of something they already know. Normally, this just drives people away from us and does nothing to solve the problem.  When we make a public statement about that person and their misdeeds, we again are simply notifying people what they already know. Again, it will drive that person and many others away from us. Thus we diminish the opportunity we have to influence them.

Paul qualifies his statement by saying: “Always show a gentle attitude toward everyone. For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient and wrong” (Titus 3:2b-3a). The reason for gentleness is that we were once just like these evildoers.

It was the “kindness and love of God our Savior” that saved us and transformed our lives. Many commonly think such an attitude will only allow for more of their evil deeds.

But God’s approach to transform people is different from ours. So, it’s time to think differently, behave differently, and speak differently.

Speak no evil, and be kind.

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Attitude Problem or Defense Mechanism?

Don’t you hate it when you have to deal with those people with attitude problems? I sure do. With some, it’s difficult to be in the same room with them.


But what is an attitude problem? I can easily recognize the attitude defects in others, and they see clearly through me and notice the many “cracks” in my attitude too.

So in effect, whoever has an attitude different from me has an attitude problem. Everyone has defects that are like “cracks” that everyone else can see.

We have all experienced pain in our past. Under the surface, these are methods we use to try to protect ourselves from further pain. We use words that push people away. Through our emotions and attitudes, we say that we are no less than anyone else.

We long to be accepted for who we are. It’s not that we don’t want to be changed — we want to be changed by God. But we want to be accepted as we are. Once we are accepted in our current state, we feel that the acceptance is genuine and unconditional. Then, gradually, God can change us.

Everything else appears as rejection. The pain of rejection is too intense for anyone to bear. So we put up these defense mechanisms that are intended to protect our hearts from further pain and agony.

So what about those people with attitude problems? And those people with words that are too sharp to get close to? Just forgive, and continue to forgive. Believe that these are people for whom Jesus died. He has a plan for them, and is working on them. They are in a process of transformation into the image of Christ, God’s Son.

And I the same.

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Three steps to impact the environment of your home and heart

When we listen for God’s voice, we have the option of following him. But when we fill our hearing with lots of noise, our ears are too full to filter out the voice of God.

For this to effectively take place in our lives, I believe there are three things that are important.

First, increase our exposure to God’s voice. Make reading and meditation of God’s word a regular practice for everyone in the home including the smallest children. If they do not read yet, read the Bible to them. When they are just learning to read, have them read the first verse of the chapter, and you read the rest of the chapter to them.

Fill your home with music that exalts God and his ways. Set the tone in the home with music and praise to our God. Be jealous for God and don’t allow other voices to have more importance.

Second, develop a mindset of obedience. Make it firm in your mind that you are a man of God, that you are a woman of God. Once that identity is firmly set in your mind, you will be more apt to have a mind of obedience. Sure we have our freedom and independence as human beings. But we choose to obey because God is our everything.

Third, be intentional about obedience. One step toward this is to begin a simple process of daily writing down something that impacted you during your daily reading of the Bible. Write down even a sentence that you feel God has spoken to you. In the midst of your struggles, it may be something related to what you are facing. Just the process of recording your interaction with the word of God will greatly impact your thinking. Write that down on a small card and keep it in your pocket so you can look at it throughout the day. Put in in your phone as a constant reminder.

Once you begin doing these things on a regular basis, God will begin to impact your thinking, your behavior, and your responses. The environment in your home will begin to shift focus.

The people of God at the time of Zechariah were struggling to build the temple of God. It was left unfinished for a long time. But God wanted them to listen to his voice. He said if they would listen for his voice, he will bring people to help them build. But the key was listening and obeying God’s voice.

Listen for the voice of the Lord. He will bring you help to move forward. (Zech 6:15)

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